Boob job

Boobs. Don’t you just love ’em? Now I realise this must look like a shameless start of a blog just to get people interested in reading it, but you’re wrong. So wrong. Couldn’t be more wrongerer. Well, maybe you’re a little bit right, but there is a reason for this. Trust me, I’m a writer.

Technically, I don’t really have a profession right now I guess. I could say I’m an unemployed project manager, but that just sounds sad. A man (or woman) should not be defined by what they do, but it does feel better to give yourself a label. So I’m gonna call myself a writer even if I’m not getting paid for it…yet. And why not? Because last week I actually started my novel. Here’s how the week went…

Monday morning 9:29am. Oh crap. I’m here, poised, Internet off, cat locked away downstairs, I’m waiting to begin on time and start my first novel. It may be last novel. It may be first and only unfinished novel. The dream I started and abandoned. Or it might be the first day – a momentous day – of my writing career. What if I can’t write? What if nothing comes out? What’s going to my first line? Where’s my brain gone? 9:30. Go!  Arrrggghhh! Write! You can do it! Think, then write…

Monday morning 10:30am. Hmmmm. This is taking a while and I’m still on the first page. I know the scene – I can picture the scene – but it’s not right, not flowing. I’m happy with the first few lines to draw the reader in, but I don’t want to lose them with a rubbish first section.

Monday lunchtime. 1080 words done! Wow! After that tricky start, the words have started to come. The plan I made has definitely helped.

Monday 3:15pm. 1500 words completed. Get in there! Word count done for the day = happy Andy. There, that wasn’t too bad, was it? I can do this. I’m gonna write a book…it’s gonna be a success…I’m gonna….I’m gonna…woah, hold on a sec. One day. You’ve been doing it for one day. Let’s not get too carried away, now. Can you do it tomorrow?

Tuesday 11:00am. It’s going well, but a new character had been created. Where did she come from? I didn’t plan her, and yet here she is, chatting away to my protagonist, and is now demanding to be in the next scene. Strange.

Tuesday 12:30pm. OK it’s celebratory dance round the house time. 1500 words already done today! Before lunch! I’m in da groove, warp factor 9. Ensign – set a course for chapter 4…

Wednesday 3pm. Finished for the day. Had a slow start, but picked up after that. Protagonist has just met a girl. I hope the humour is right. What if no-one finds it funny? Have I overdone it in places? I like it, but will see. I’ve left out a few similes but will come back to them later when inspiration strikes. Let’s go for a run now to exercise the legs instead before the odd beer later with friends.

Thursday 1:10pm. Why oh why Andy did you go out and get drunk last night? Definitely one beer too many. Not only do I feel tired and hungover but the words are flowing like…like a not very flow-y thing. Plod on.

Thursday 5pm. That’s my 1.5K for the day. I’ll send a synopsis to my mate, Steve, to get his opinion of what I’m planning. Where’s my bed now…

You gotta love 'em!Friday 10:30am. This is so cool. The scene has nudity in it, so I’m writing about boobs. It’s Friday morning, I’m free, happy and the only job I have today is to write about boobs. I could have been doing project plans, having customer meetings, doing weekly reports. It’s not a bad gig, this, you know.

Friday 6pm. Phew. That was a long day. Interrupted by a long lunch and a few household chores. Yes, I did get a few distractions today but I ploughed on and finished my word count for the day, and for the week. In fact, more so – 8156 words compared to the 7500 target I had set.

Week 1 done. I’m pleased with what I’ve got so far, but I haven’t really scrutinised it yet. The main aim is to get the words done, and I’ve accomplished that. Although no-one but me has read any of it yet, both Steve and Shell have given me a provisional thumbs-up on the outline plan for it, so at least I know it isn’t a completely barmy idea. Either that or they’re humouring me. At some point I’ll release some of it for their review and hide under the table as the comments come in.

It’s not easy, and it’s not always fun, but right now I feel at long last I’ve made the first proper step towards my dream and can call myself for the moment – even just tentatively – a writer.

Now, let’s review that boob scene again…


  1. Brilliant 🙂 I’m not a writer (I’m an obsessive book reader instead) but I’ve stepped off the corporate ladder few months ago and I’m trying to build my own business and this kind of scenario is very similar to what I go through every day, except there are no boobs involved 😀

    Good luck with your writing, I’ll be back to check up on your word count, now that you’ve told the internet about this you can’t hide any more 🙂

  2. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I’m keeping up the word count, although it is a struggle at times, like today.

    I can’t draw to save my life (unless it was a Pictionary Deathmatch, maybe) but I liked some of your art that I checked out. Good luck with the business.

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