2045 and all that

Great Scott! Space-time continuum! Hoverboards!

Yes, I’m jumping on today’s bandwagon, but only because Back to the Future is my favourite film and I just have to celebrate the day its sequel was set in.

However, instead of looking back at the past’s version of the future (which is now the present and soon to be the past), I shall be looking 30 years into the future from today. Got that?

Anyway, here’s my oh-so-serious take on the year 2045:






Fresh from leading England to last year’s Euro 2044 success, England manager Wayne Rooney defends the much-boycotted tournament in Russia saying “You can only beat  what is put in front of you, but personally I think playing Gibraltar in the semis and then San Marino was a tough ask, especially after our penalty win versus Devon.”

Romeo Beckham starts his FIFA presidency with the promise of eradicating this century’s biggest footballing problem: the prolific use of the word “unbelievable”.



Apple shares were boosted by the announcement of the iBrain 8SE with its new feature of thought-calling up to ten of your friends simultaneously. Apple say that they have now solved the problem that plagued the 8S that led to four people in Utah each having to undergo a lobotomy.



After years of speculation, this week it was confirmed that Mars had a rich history of life, and that primitive orc-like Martians roamed the planet. Infra-red images even showed up markings on a plain, with scientists suggesting it was evidence of an early sport. BT and Sky are currently fighting over the rights to show recreations of matches that possibly occurred.



Madonna extends her record of the world’s most successful female artist of all time with her latest album, “Zimmertime”, despite critics insisting she now puts the leotard away.

Strictly Come Dancing is relaunched four weeks after the Bruce Forsyth hologram malfunctioned on live TV. The BBC explained that his vocals had been inadvertently mixed up with Gordon Ramsay’s disc, and have apologised for any shock it may have caused.



Best-selling author Andrew Males causes a stir when he announces his next book “99 Miles to Uranus”.

In his regular Telegraph article, he also looks back at a blog post he did on October 21st 2015 on the future in thirty years, explaining although that it was all tongue in cheek, when he thought about it, its last paragraph “kinda did my head in.”


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