Ten reasons why losing to Iceland today wouldn’t be as bad as you think:
- We can all stop deluding ourselves we’re experts in politics and resume pretending we’re experts in football.
- Our hooligan contingent can return home, get a new tattoo and catch up on the latest edition of Moron Monthly.
- The Sun might have a hilarious, witty pun that we actually haven’t read before. (But probably not.)
- France will be gutted they don’t get the chance to knock out les rosbifs on their turf.
- We can blame the 2016 Leicester Effect ™ for giving every minnow the outrageous idea they could actually triumph.
- It’ll finally give our Scottish friends something to smile about.
- We can concentrate on Wimbledon and remind ourselves we’re not English – we’re British.
- There will be no more bland interviews with the England players saying that the team has belief, they’re right behind the gaffer and that they can go all the way.
- We’ll have lost a tournament without a single metatarsal being broken. (Although there’s still time to do that on the flight home.)
- Given his Euro exit credentials, Roy Hodgson will become a better candidate for Prime Minister than Boris Johnson (with the only downside being that he might make Wayne Rooney his Chancellor).