Monday was the day my first child was due to be born. Giving that I’m writing this and not changing nappies, you’ve probably guessed it’s not happened yet. So what have I been doing whilst I wait?
It’s a full scale operation preparing for your first baby. The books started as Christmas presents and rapidly turned into the new dad’s bibles. I learned a whole new vocabulary such as meconium, perineum, and ventouse. Where were these strange and scary words before?
Then it’s antenatal classes. They’re like a secret club, where you find out what really happens in the process of pregnancy. It turns out that my experience of labour (which, let’s face, it consisted of episodes of Friends and other TV shows over the years) was somewhat…sugar coated. The real thing was described like a prediction of the apocalypse: blood, puke, screaming, incisions and swearing. Some of that even involved the woman.
And of course you need the stuff. Lots of stuff. Furniture, buggies, grow bags, hats, socks, monitors, car seats, blankets, Muslims (I think that’s what she said), bottles, breast pumps, mobiles, and an assortment of special pads I never want to see or hear about in action. What the heck did they do in caveman times? I’m surprised we’re here at all, unless Mothercare had a branch open in 50,000BC. I went from joyfully researching huge TVs and full-frame SLRs to scratching my head at baby transportation contraptions with multiple configurations and deliberating over which filling is most supportive for a mattress shorter than my arm. Luckily, we have some great friends who recommended, sold and even gave a variety of items that saved a thousand Google searches, let alone a lot of money. I thank you all.
Two things have given me a welcome distraction recently: football and my book. Actually, there’s a third – work – but there’s less blogging material in that so let’s move on…
I’m glad the season’s over in a way. I was getting obsessed with the title race, running through countless what-if scenarios and winning the league for Liverpool in my head a million times. Alas, we didn’t quite make it and I was more than a bit gutted. Well at least my Arsenal friends didn’t have anything to celebrate again to make them the smuggest people on the planet…oh wait, they did.
When’s the World Cup start?
As for 26 Miles to the Moon, I have found inspiration. I’ve found a site that I want to submit to, a crowdfunding site called BritainsNextBestSeller.co.uk The idea is you submit your book and if they fancy it they’ll put it up on their site and you promote the arse off of it. If you get 250 pre-orders, you’ve got a publishing deal.
I’m really, really psyched about this. I’ve got ideas, plans and all sorts to nail that 250 and more. I’m gonna do a video trailer, hopefully get a song written, literally get the t-shirt. I can’t wait…only…I have to.
Forget the book promotion launch for the moment, for a couple of months I will be concentrating on the baby launch.
Calm? Right now – yes.
Ready? As a first-time parent can ever be.
The great wait is on.